Monday Morning Ant Brigade

I’m 90 percent certain I’ve used that title before (and %100 certain that its an awesome Bouncing Souls song) but whatever.  There’s only so many monday headlines out there before it gets too bleak and depressing.  Anywhoo, I have a fucking packed schedule this week.  There’s glorious Giants primetime football tonight!  An Alkaline Trio, Rise Against, and Thrice show tomorrow (bands I listened to 5 years ago, and haven’t heard anything since…i may know less songs than expected…but that’s tomorrow), a dinner thursday, and of course friday is friday so there’s that.  Man, i may just pass out from exhaustion by the end of the week. Also, if my posting is extremely sparse and even more pointless than usual, that is why.

But lets focus on what matters, until proven otherwise, the Giants are still the best team in all the land.  And they have the Monday Night Game!   Lets go Giants!

Things I Won’t Miss About October Baseball

Ah, I love the crisp feeling in the the air as the temperature drops just as October swings around.  The leaves just begin to fade to yellow and red that will come to pepper the landscape in the coming weeks.  Slowly every store will have some pumpkin item (I had my first pumpkin spice latte just this morning!).  Ah, it’s finally becomming fall.  I remember what I used to refer to this weather in years past.  In fact, I remember leaving my dorm sophmore year with a friend, stopping to smell the air, turning and commenting that “…it’s playoff weather.”  Alas, that is not the case this year.

My team had quite the run, the Yankees have made the postseason since I was just 10 years old. After a long, 12 year streak, the run has come to an end.  So now, as I sit and watch the Philles of Philadelphia host the Brewers of Millwaukee (really…fucking milwaukee is in the postseason…god dammit) I am not filled with the same joy that I was in years past.  However, not everything about the playoffs is filled with the sublime beauty of the game of baseball.  Here are a few things I will not be missing as I tune out America’s pastime in favor of other sports (FOOTBALLLL ARGHHH BEER AND TRUCKS AND COUNTRY SONGS AND AMEERRRRICAA!!!!!!!!)

1) Frank TV Ads

Oh dear god if Frank Caliendo annoying. Last year was just terrible with these ads.  I mean, yeah, his impersonations are good (for the most part). But is there a need for a Frank TV ad during every…single…commercial…break…for…a…whole…month…….gaahh

2) The Agony of Defeat

(Sorry Mets fans)  I guess one good thing about this year was that I was able to digest the end of the Yankees season over the span of about a month and a half.  As they fell apart in late July/early August I was able to process that baseball was over.   But lord is the feeling of your team being eliminated in the playoffs just terrible.  Baseball is very different than football.  Football is a single crushing blow and its over quickly.  But, baseball, oh dear is baseball painful.  Over the span of week you experience highs and lows as your team fights it out and, for all but one, are defeated in any number of crushing scenarios.  Obviously the worst for me was 2004.  But i choose to highlight an anecdote from 2006.  I was in a bar on 3rd ave in Manhattan to watch game 4 of the 2006 ALDS between the Yankees and Tigers.  I was with my girlfriend at the time, who was also a die-hard Yankee fan.  Not a GSF either, but a die hard Yankee fan. It was a must win for the Yankees, and right off the bat you could see that wasn’t in the cards.  So we sat, and drank, and didn’t say a word to each other, the bartender, any other patrons, no one.  No words were uttered.  We watch the Yanks limp from the postseason in silence.  As we left the bar mets fans were filing in for the late game.  Naturally, being Mets fans, they cheered the Yanks demise.  My gf took it upon herself to shoulder check a rather large Mets fan on the way out the door.  If he hadn’t been so utterly shocked i’m sure he would have kicked my ass over the whole ordeal (cause you can’t hit a girl) Yeah, it sucks when your team is eliminated, and I don’t have to deal with that

3) Missing Fall Television

I haven’t watched so much new fall tv in my life.  It’s gone above and beyond what i talked about in my little preview dewhickey a few weeks back. HIMYM, Heroes, Fringe, House, The Office, It’s Always Sunny.  Its been great.  I laugh, I cry, I cringe…it’s awesome.   The Simpsons started this weekend!  I didn’t even know the Simpsons was on until after the post season!  Awesome.

4) ::Sigh:: Who Am I Kidding

Adjusting to not having any rooting intrest from the get go is very strange.  I’m reaching for reasons that this is okay.  I am really bummed the Yanks aren’t playing baseball right now.  Luckily, like I said, I’ve had plenty of time to process this so it’s not a crushing blow. (are there any Mets fans out there? you okay? need someone to talk to?) But still, the Yankees are done for the year.  I guess there is really only one silver lining:

GOOOO GIAAANTS!

That Was An Exciting Monday

FANTASY FOOTBALL UPDATE: Before last nights game i was trailing in my matchup 63.30 to 74.80.  I had Romo and Folk, he had McNabb and Crayton.  After that INSANE game I went on to win 99.28 to 92.34.  It was awesome, albeit a bit strange to root for Tony Romo after being so conditioned to root against him and the cowboys for so long.  Luckily, i was already conditioned to root against the Eagles and McNabb, so I was okay with it.

So yeah, what else happened yesterday? Oh yeah, the economy collapsed.  Luckily I was already flat broke so it didn’t really do anything to me.  There’s always a silver lining.

So I’ve decided to finally buckle down and write a real post! It should be done later today, or tomorrow. Trust me, its gonna be awesome (assuming you watch television).

Finally for now, as per request, heres a video:Vodpod videos no longer available.

Ahh, The First Post Football Monday

Ahh, well that was a pleasant football weekend for those of us that aren’t Patriots Fans and have Michael Turner on their fantasy football team.  Guess who falls into both of those categories?  Thats right, I freakin do! Woo.

So it was a nice weekend for me.  Good times were had by all.

I was a little light on posting last week, as I literally spent all my free time at work watchin the OC, which is pretty fucking sad when you really think about it.  I also made a mistake, the whole first season isn’t up, just the first half of the first season.  I guess i’m so conditioned to watching critically acclaimed shows that get short order seasons (three guesses as to which one i’m referring too) so when I saw thirteen episodes my brain assumed that it was an entire season.  Oh well.

Did anyone else watch True Blood on HBO last night?  I decided to watch it after Entourage (in which nothing happened at all…again! seriously, how that show gets away with such little plot i’ll never kno…oh wait, there were boobs).  I don’t know about it yet.  I mean, it had its moments.  It seemed like there were a lot of way that it could go, and I hope it turns out well.  It could really go either way tho.

Oh yeah, so I guess with entourage last night new TV is finally on the air again. And that is fucking awesome!   I mean, yeah it was entourage, which has the least amount of substance of any show that has even been on television ever.  But god dammit, i still enjoy watching it.  I dunno, its not even like a guilty pleasure really, its just entertaining for a half hour a week.  It will tide me over until all the other glorious shows come back!

That was actually the best non-football part about  Sunday, all the ads for the new and returning shows. Well, there was one ad for How I Met Your Mother on CBS, and eight-gillion ads for Hole in the Wall on Fox, so there was some disparity.  I mean, Hole in the Wall was entertaining and all, but really fox? You’re going to hang your entire ad budget on it?  Its literally on three times this week.  Three.  If your keeping score, every good show in the history of television: one time a week (for the most part).  Hole in the Wall: three.

Well that about wraps it up as to what I did this weekend: television! Gotta love fall! Now if only the weather will catch up and i can start busting out my extensive sweater collection. It actually surprised me how many sweaters I had while going through my closet this weekend.  (did i just get excited about my sweaters…damn)

Do You Know What Tonight Is?

Its the START OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN NFL SEASON!

You know who’s playing tonight?

That’s right, the super bowl champion NEW YORK GIANTS!

While i’m really excited for this game, today marks the last day I can lord last season over any and all NFL fans that get in my path, leaving a humbled trail of ill-advised jerseys in my wake.

But yeah, the day has come, The Giants are hosting the Redskins tonight. If you’re like me your gonna immediately head to a bar when you get off work to enjoy some carbonated beverages while you watch the game.  If you can’t make it you can always check out awful announcing’s live blog (despite him being a redskins fan, he seems all for non-homerism or something like that)

Kissing Suzy Kolber is celebrating this glorious day all day long.  They should be really funny all day long.  So yeah, depending on the outcome of tonights game you could see a 1,000 word post on how awesome the world is, or you might just get hangover bear over and over until i pass out.  Enjoy the game tonight!

Hey Guess What?

Do you know what today is?

I’ll give you a minute to think about it.  Have an answer yet?  Good.  Well if you guessed that today was the START OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON you’d be fucking right.  Oh my god, finally, there will be football on TV.  I can waste an ENTIRE day hungover on the couch and not have to find some terrible movie on HBO to watch, I can just watch football all day.  Its great.

While I’m more of an NFL fan, I will concede that college fanbases are much more rabid than any pro-football fanbase can aspire to.  I don’t really have any alegiance to any real college team.  I grew up in Jersey, so I can jump on the Rutgers bandwagon relatively guilt free.  I was born in Oklahoma, so ditto to that bandwagon as well (but to two people from jersey, so its a bit more of a stretch).

I assume that Ohio State will run the table in the Big Ten, only to get spanked by whichever SEC team decides to run the gauntlet this year.  The Buckeyes are rapidly becoming the earl 90’s Buffalo Bills of college football, now all they need is a Scott Norwood moment and they’re set.

Last season I bet every week on college football, but I don’t think I have the funds to afford it this year, which is a bummer.  I was even for most of the year, but wound up short 50 after the bowl season.  If, by some miracle, i wind up with betting money you know i’ll keep you posted on how i do. (because i know how much you care)

We can only hope that this year brings a gem like the Michigan/ Appalachian State game last year.  Or at the very least something like this:

I’ll Take It

So my draft was decent.  My team isn’t great, but it certainly has potential.  I have a lot of guys on teams that could be competing toward the end of the season, so if i wind up making the playoffs i should have a pretty strong squad.  Or they’ll all get injured week 3, either or.

I had a really bad headache for most of today, so thats why I didn’t get around to posting something more significant.  However, I will post this Zach Galifianakis video for Kayne West’s Can’t Tell Me Nothing, hopefully it doesn’t get pulled from youtube again, god forbid anyone gets free press.

Its Gettin To Be That Time Of Year

I am skinny, pale, hairy, and generally unpleasant to stare at for an extended period of time without a shirt on. (check. . .ladies. . . hello, anyone out there)  In all seriousness, I do like the way I look better when several layers are added. I can throw a t-shirt, button down, hoodie and jacket on and not stand out like I do at the beach.  Thats why I am excited its finally getting to be fall, which I realize now is my favorite season.  I love when it starts to just get a little cold out.  I love that football returns. I love playoff baseball (despite the fact that I might not have as vested an interest as I have in years past).  I really, thoroughly enjoy every part of fall.

The odd part about all of this is that as a kid I DESPISED fall.  As I’m sure many kids did, I really fucking hated all those stupid back to school commercials that came as the summer began to wind down.  I hated the summer ending and having to go back to school. I don’t think I’ve taken this big a 180 on something since my first sip of beer, which i spit out and said something to the extent of “icky.”

I will say this tho, the ads for setting up your dorm do bum me out a little bit, but i feel better when I realize that no college student’s dorm will resemble the size.  Hundreds of thousands of disappointed youths cheers me up just fine.

So yeah, I’ve sorta always wanted to at least try to do stand-up at least once.  So I will occasionally write down things that I think I can turn into a bit.  Luckily for everyone at amature night, I haven’t found the balls to try this out yet, mostly cause I’m not terribly funny.  One thing I did have that I thought might have been funny was that with the amount of Animal House ripoffs being churned out they were eventually going to run out of ideas.  All that was going to be left would be a movie called “College.”  Well God fucking dammit, they went ahead and did it before I could ever tell it.

I just realized that I start a lot of my thoughts here with “So yeah.”  I should probably consider coming up with some new transitional phrases.

An update on my fantasy draft tonight: I’m still fucked.  Don’t worry, i’ll be posting a full report on how awful my team is here tomorrow, but don’t worry readers who hate fantasy football, i’ll, ummm, post something else completely unrelated to football!  I swears it! (spoiler alert: it will be prolly be about beer or television…or both)

Isn’t it funny how there are some albums you listen to like 150 times until you can’t listen to it anymore for like a year, and other albums you only listen to like 1 once or twice, but you listen to them every month for the next like five to ten years? That’s not just me, right?

So yeah, on the subject of music, this video has me completely and totally mesmerized right now.  Enjoy!

Brain Cells Depleted

Hey there folks.  Sorry I didn’t get to posting earlier, quite frankly, i just plum forgot.

See, here’s the things.  I had a bit of a wild time this past weekend.  I left my apartment at 10pm on friday only to return sunday afternoon at like 2pm.  This was not the plan.  Like not at all. Both days when I woke up I had no fucking clue where I was for a good 30 seconds, which is a long time to not know where you are when you think about it.  Needless to say I didn’t do any of my pre-fantasy draft preparation that I so desperately needed to do.  I have no clue what to do.  I’m gonna have to cram for fucking fantasy draft.  Always the eternal procrastinator. Some things never change.

Speaking of football. NOOOOOOOOO! Fuck fuck fuck fuck.  God dammit.  August was not a good month for sports teams that I enjoy.  The Yanks are likely going to miss the playoffs for the first time since ’93, the Giants will likely be unable to really be a threat without Osi, Gus Johnson might not call Knicks games next season, oh the humanity.

Because football will surely disappoint me this year (hey, this attitude fucking worked last year) I’ve been gearing up for some good old fashioned fall television.  I’m absurdly excited for The Office and 30 Rock and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  I really can’t fucking wait.  I’m also excited for How I Met Your Mother.  I spent the entire day laying on the couch watching the first season yesterday.  It was a great Lazy Sunday.  Oh yeah, remember last week when I mentioned I witnessed someone eat the Michael Phelps breakfast in five minutes?  Yeah, I wasn’t kidding:Vodpod videos no longer available.

I’m Just Gonna Hit The Keys And Hope Something Comes Out

I had a really good idea for a post on the subway home yesterday. I remember thinking “damn, thats a good idea.”  I even had a pad handy to write the idea down.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a pen, so now i have to convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.  In its place, random shit!

Is it a sign that I’ve watched too much South Park when I knew all the 5 Things You Didn’t Know About South Park?  Like, that was it?  I knew every single one of those facts and then some. If you’re going to tell me i don’t know something you best be prepared to back it up Ask Men!

After watching the below video over and over I was trying to decide if I would engage in fisticuffs with any athlete at the Summer Olympics.  Answer: nope.

Speaking of the olympics, now that swimming is over I feel kinda done with it.  Also, is it a bad sign that watching people sprint around a track actually tire me out?  I’m thinking “yes” but i’m not so sure yet, i need a ruling.

I’m going to see College Humor Live tonight, and despite not being in college, i still read the site almost daily.  Much like I did right before I went to college.  In fact, I think the only time of the site’s existence that i didn’t go to every day for was my four years of college.  What does that say about me?  Well whatever it says about me, i’m still excited to see the awkward rap live! (not to mention Jon Mulaney, although I think that was just a mention)

I like events at the UCB theater.  Cause they’re only five bucks and PBR’s are like 2 bucks.  So you can have a good night with like 18 bucks!  This should be fun.  I didn’t have high hopes of convincing anyone else to go with me, so I’m just gonna go alone and hope for the best.