Hey, Where Was I Yesterday?

Cause I totally didn’t post. I actually wrote a rather long post, but it was all political and stuff.  Quite frankly, I don’t really want to make this place too politcal.  This is supposed to be for my excess thoughts, not serious politcal discussion.  There’s plenty of places on the internet for that.  So yeah, yesterday’s post lives on in unpublished purgatory.

Did anyone else watch South Park and The Sarah Silverman Program. (side note: The TV Club at AV Club rules!) Yaaay for laughter.  I was dead wrong about no new South Park until early next year, and I couldn’t have been happier about it.  They took on familiar targets George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, and it was very funny (albeit somewhat rapey)

But we all know that’s not what really matters.  The economy is crashing harder than chicken little’s sky (god, that was awful).  There are tons of people on television that throw financial advice (some more forcefully than others).  Unfortunately, they are all wrong.  I wind up watchin CNBC a lot at work.  I hear all this advice and yelling and what is going to make money.  You know what I didn’t hear at all? Campbell’s fuckin Soup.   That’s right, Campbell’s Soup.

See the blue line?  That’s Campbell’s soup.  The other lines are, basically, everything else.  That’s right, when people go broke they eat soup.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Ramen becomes a Fortune 100 company by the end of the year.  So what else could you invest in these days if you wanna actually make money.  Clearly, it’s broke food. Seriously, follow my advice and get rich*.

Some ideas:

Wonder Bread

Kraft (for the Singles)

Quaker Oats

Now what you should absolutely not do is invest in “rich people food.”  No caviar companies.  No places that make 40oz steaks (note, you can invest in companies that make 40oz containers of malt liquor). No fancy smanchy restaurants.  You know, no rich stuff?  Well now that I’ve laid out my ideas follow them and become rich beyond your wildest dreams.**

(*DO NOT FOLLOW MY ADVICE! I HAVE ZERO IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT)

(**SERIOUSLY! I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THE WORD STOCK EVEN MEANS! I THOUGHT IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH CHICKEN OR SOMETHING! I WAS A COMMUNICATIONS MAJOR FOR GOD SAKES! DO NOT LISTEN TO ME! I REPEAT, DO NOT LISTEN TO ME!!)

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3 Responses to “Hey, Where Was I Yesterday?”

  1. I think I love your disclaimer at the end most of all.

  2. Sounds like sound advice to me… I’m currently hitting a 40 and nuking some canned soup

  3. wishmewell Says:

    Ben – Yeah, well I don’t wanna loose anyone any money and get a death threat. those are never fun

    [F]oxy – That sounds strikingly similar to my plans for the evening

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