Another Post Where I ReBlog Something

As I mentioned yesterday, I am going to be an unproductive blogger for most of the week.  Don’t worry, i’ll be back to form shortly (hopefully).  But what about you, my loyal readers (all 3 of you).  I know this is probably the most important stop on your blogroll each day, and I very much don’t want to disappoint.  But how do I follow up an absolutely hilarious and totally original photo of charlie brown seeking advice!  How about I share a fucking link?

Okay, fine, I’ll actually set it up before I post said link.  That way I actually have to hit my fingers to more keys than “cntrl” and “v.”  That way this will actually be a post, and not just a “quick hit” (I’m learning blog lingo!)

So this post relates to the holidays.  But not in the happy, gift exchanging part of the holidays.  It is more about the crippling feelings of loneliness and despair that the holidays have been known to bring to emotionally detached, lonely people. (hypothetically speaking of course…on an unrelated note.  hi mom.)  Since most gifts don’t actually come with a significant other you have to find someone to spend the holidays wearing hilariously ironic sweaters drinking egg-nog in unhealthily large quantities (hypothetical again, of course). Wot to mention New Years. What’s the point getting unnecessarily dolled up to stand in a crowded bar engaging in an epic battle for nary an inch of bar space just to get your top shelf drink that you paid an overpriced cover for the privilege of receiving if you don’t have someone to kiss at midnight.

So how does one go about finding a special holiday friend?  Quite frankly, I don’t have a fucking clue.  What I do know, however, is what not too look for in a special lady friend.  I know this because someone much funnier than me wrote a handy dandy Guide To Holiday Romance.  Here are some highlights in block quote form (just to lengthen this post)

23. Avoid any girl you meet in the bar where you and your friends are watching a game. She thinks she’s figured out guys. She hasn’t. She’ll fuck everything up all the while thinking she’s very clever about men.

29. Avoid any girl who has done speed dating, or j-date. She’s got commitment issues, and since you’re an emotionally unavailable alcoholic, neither of you will ever call each other.

(okay, these first two were double cheating, as they were the highlighted one from the post I originally found this list from)

35. Avoid any girl who won’t make out with you in a taxi. She lacks a properly functioning sexual instinct.

41. Avoid any girl who won’t wear a skirt in winter. The winter is too long as it is without having to do without legs. You’ll end up in the stairwell of a Christmas party making out with a girl in skirt.

44. Avoid any girl who tries to come off as more emotionally unavailable and cavalier about relationships than you are. She’s secretly a tightly wound bundle of need.

If you have a few minutes I would suggest reading the rest of the list.  Some of them are quite funny, (unless you are Kirsten Dunst, in which case, um, I liked Spider-Man?) Well that about wraps it up, see ya later. (that was certainly a lot of writing for a non-post)


2 Responses to “Another Post Where I ReBlog Something”

  1. Man, who the fuck doesn’t like a make-out session in a taxi??? Ah, happy memories . . . 🙂

  2. thanks for taking the worry out of “emotionally detached lonely” . Can’t you just go back to believing in Santa?

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