Archive for the drinking Category

…Was His Name-O

Posted in apologies for what i did drunk, bingo, drinking, no, pabst blue ribbon, pbr, random on October 23, 2008 by pgleason85

Yeah, that’s right.  I played fucking Bingo last night.  I hadn’t played bingo since I was maybe 10 years old and with my grandma in the Poconos, so I was a little out of practice.  Luckily, bingo is %100 luck, so not playing in a long time didn’t hurt me.  My terrible luck did.

One thing about this form of bingo.  It was not your grandparent’s bingo.

Okay, it was exactly the same game so i guess it was your grandparent’s bingo.  The thing is, I’m pretty sure when your grandparents win bingo they don’t reach into a large bag of pornography and pick one out at random. As I mentioned before, my extremely low tolerance for luck prevented me from winning any of the terrible porn.  Which actually may have been luckier.  My friend won a game, reached in the bag, and pulled out a midget porn.  There are somethings you can’t unsee, the case for a midget porn is one of them (your humble blogger silently weeps)

The last game of the night however, the winners win a free bar tab.  It was 1am, we were getting ready for bingo to end and stumble home.  And then my friend won the free bar tab.  Naturally, rather than save the 20 dollars for another night, it was decided that a full round of PBR was on him.  Apparently we had been teetering on the edge of reason, and this round pushed us over.  So now, without further ado:

Apparently, Bingo + Porn + utter lack of responsibility = hangover.


Hangovenger Hunt: The Search For What Happened

Posted in drinking, hangover remedies?, hangovers on October 3, 2008 by pgleason85

Well the challenge has been given, Ben over at 20sb is running a contest for the best hangover stories, and well despite my recent revelation on who reads this here blog, I’m a sucker for a contest.

When telling a story you always need to make sure you tell your audience the who, what, where, when, why and how (like Nick News).  Those are almost always what you need to tell a good story.  The only exception is a “hangover story.” Usually in a hangover story you are given one, maybe two of these things, and the story becomes filling in the rest.  Its like a scavenger hunt for your life.

Step one for a hangover story is to collect evidence.  You must find physical artifacts that will help tell your story.  Be it a receipt from McDonald’s on the corner of Delancey and Essex street from 1am for a thing of cookies (hypothetically) or a smattering of White Castle slider cases strewn about your dorm room in your sophomore year of college (again…totally hypothetical…i swear).

With this evidence you can begin to paint a picture that will help explain the throbbing headache that you are currently experiencing.  Because, in the end, that is all you want.  To find out who, or what, to blame your current state on.  Unfortunately this will only paint part of the picture. You find a receipt for a bar tab closed at 2am in West Village, but then you find a receipt for what was very obviously a drunken meal at 4am, you realize you have two hours that need to be filled in.

Now you check your physical surroundings, at this time your eyes will have adjusted to the jarring sensation that is sunlight enough so that you will be able to see more than two feet in front of you.  So answer this question, Where are you?  Your own bed? Good for you.  Your own couch?  you get an A for effort but a C for execution.  A friend’s couch? Not bad.  A strange couch in an apartment you have never seen before? Fail! Prison? EPIC FAIL! (I have decided to leave out the option of “getting any” because, lets face it, if you have to work this hard to figure out what the hell happened you clearly weren’t as suave as you thought you were last night)

So now you’ve loosely established what, and where, it is time to discern the “who.”  Luckily, in the modern age of the cellphone this is much easier.  Although, this is dangerous.  You probably don’t want to know that you texted every ex you have every had.  Smoooooth. Okay, who else did you call? Ah, an old friend you hadn’t seen in a while.  This is precisely when your headache helps you remember why you hadn’t hung out with ol’ Schmitty in a while.  Because shit like this happens.  Fucking Schmitty. (apparently you hang out with people named Schmitty, which is just strange).  Well its at this point where you determine who you hung out with (aside from that nut, Schmitty, he’s probably not even in the same state he started in, so he’ll be no help).  This is when you swallow your pride (like you have any left) and send a mass text message out to your partners in crime asking “What happened last night?”  If you are lucky, you’ll receive a lot of responses that look similar to  “oh man, i don’t know either dude… crazy night!!”  At this point you can formulate your own oral history of the details between your group and be done with it. Use the collective conscience of the group and put together a decent picture.

If you are unlucky you’ll receive texts that look more like “yeah…you were in rare form” or, at worst, “yeah, we need to talk.”  This is the worst case scenario.  You have alienated your friends, at least temporarily.  Also, you are going to be given a blow by blow account of EXACTLY what happened.  Unfortunately, it won’t be a pretty picture.  You never want to know exactly how you ended up in your current state.  It should be vague, and full of holes, and not paint you as the village asshole. (especially if like me, you live in a fucking huge village)

Now that you’ve had a good laugh about your night (or an intervention, we are all here because we care about you).   Go prepare your favorite hangover cure, be it eggs and alka-seltzer, OJ and Advil, or the hair of the dog that bit you (but thats not enjoying responsibly, you need to cool it)  And rest up.  Who knows what the next adventure will bring you, just try to keep it cool next time.  Someone’s gotta be able to tell the story tomorrow.

Also, for the necessary contest credentials!

Don’t Be a Jonze!

I Read Comics All Day

Posted in drinking, friday, random on September 26, 2008 by pgleason85

During my morning blog check i saw a post on Midwesterner about this comic, Five Bucks Till Friday.  I literally read a years worth of that comic today.  So i figured I might as well pass along the link so, in case you wanted, you could read it too.

So it is finally Friday, which is nice. I’m going to try to get through this whole weekend without spending money in a bar.  I think I have tonight covered.  I have a friend coming over and a whole case of beer, Charlie and Mac style (anyone watch last night, hilarious) so even if i DO go out i probably won’t need to spend money because I’ll be quite a few deep. Money saving tactics at their best.  And tomorrow I have a buffet table full of party picks to keep me occupied.  Its going to be awesome.  Plus, working all day Saturday and Sunday there’s no urger to go to a sports bar at noon and drink the day away.

So yeah, thats it for the week.  I spent all week watchin television and reading comics!  Good times.

Brain Cells Depleted

Posted in drinking, random, sports, the giants, videos on August 25, 2008 by pgleason85

Hey there folks.  Sorry I didn’t get to posting earlier, quite frankly, i just plum forgot.

See, here’s the things.  I had a bit of a wild time this past weekend.  I left my apartment at 10pm on friday only to return sunday afternoon at like 2pm.  This was not the plan.  Like not at all. Both days when I woke up I had no fucking clue where I was for a good 30 seconds, which is a long time to not know where you are when you think about it.  Needless to say I didn’t do any of my pre-fantasy draft preparation that I so desperately needed to do.  I have no clue what to do.  I’m gonna have to cram for fucking fantasy draft.  Always the eternal procrastinator. Some things never change.

Speaking of football. NOOOOOOOOO! Fuck fuck fuck fuck.  God dammit.  August was not a good month for sports teams that I enjoy.  The Yanks are likely going to miss the playoffs for the first time since ’93, the Giants will likely be unable to really be a threat without Osi, Gus Johnson might not call Knicks games next season, oh the humanity.

Because football will surely disappoint me this year (hey, this attitude fucking worked last year) I’ve been gearing up for some good old fashioned fall television.  I’m absurdly excited for The Office and 30 Rock and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  I really can’t fucking wait.  I’m also excited for How I Met Your Mother.  I spent the entire day laying on the couch watching the first season yesterday.  It was a great Lazy Sunday.  Oh yeah, remember last week when I mentioned I witnessed someone eat the Michael Phelps breakfast in five minutes?  Yeah, I wasn’t kidding:Vodpod videos no longer available.

How I Got Drunk Old Timers Day

Posted in apologies for what i did drunk, drinking, sports, Yankee Stadium, Yankees on August 4, 2008 by pgleason85

Mondays suck, yadda yadda, same ol shit.  Who cares, right?  What you really wanna read about is how I got drunk at old timer’s day, isn’t it?  No…you don’t?  Well too bad, cause I’m bored and need to write something.  Maybe I should write a screenplay, move to Hollywood, and get my dreams crushed trying to sell it.   Yeah, or i could give you a detailed account of the final old timer’s day at Yankee Stadium.

Okay, detailed account is probably the wrong way to phrase it. Foggy, alcohol clouded account is probably more accurate, but whatever.  It was a really great time.  I sorta had a long Friday night (hey, is that the sun coming up, ahhh crap).  Luckily, that meant I wasn’t hungover by the time I had to wake up at like 11 O’Clock. I was still drunk, which was nice.  I even met my family in a bar, so it wasn’t totally obvious that I was completely fucking out of it.

I’d never been to old timers day before, so it was great that I got to go to one at the Stadium.  Every time I’ve gone there this season I find myself cataloging the things about it that are going to change completely.  The acoustics where what I was focusing on this past Saturday.  With no tickets in sight, it could be my last time there (although i hope not).  But the sound of the Stadium, the way you can’t hear a fucking thing that anyone says, is probably going to vastly improve.  That sucks.  I mean, next year you’ll be able to understand what Keith Olbermann is saying…which is shit. The sound bounces off the walls and rebounds all over the place to the point where it sounds like your high school’s auditorium.  But the thing is, thats how baseball feels like it should sound today.  When I’ve gone to other places with much clearer P.A. systems it just sounds plain wrong to me.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the most drastic change come next year (price of beer excluded).

One thing I won’t miss is the food tho.  Holy crap. I got a hot dog and it looked like a reaaaally long and red rasin.  Like, holy shit, did it look un-appetizing.  Considering I hadn’t eaten a meal in approximately 24 hours (or 24 beers, if thats how you keep track) i manned up end ate the thing.  Despite looking like the appendage from the Montauk Sea Monster it fucking hit the spot. Gotta say that about ballpark food, it always gets the job done.

Hey…It’s A Book List

Posted in drinking, reading, yeah...reading AND drinking together as one! on August 1, 2008 by pgleason85

I killed many, maaaany brain cells at a bar. But I would like to create the illusion of a long post right now. So rather than my usual ranting about my alcohol hazed existence (just kidding friends and family, please don’t intervene) I’m going to post this here book like that I found over at wanted: free time. There’s some rules to it an stuff like that which i am now going to type out paste here.

1) Bold the books you have already read
2) Italicize the books you intend to read
3) Personally added: Notes in parentheses next to note-worthy titles.
4) THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN SHOULD NOT BE ON THIS LIST. (i agree with this so much that I am reposting the repost. fuckin a’ right! thats right, i swear in the lit post)


1) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
2) The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien (wooooo…god I’m nerdy)
3) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
4) Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling (even nerdier. To save face I preordered the final book in the series off Amazon to have it arrive on the day it came out. I was sitting on my couch waiting all day. When it finally came I bounded down the stairs to meet the UPS person, and she clearly heard it. You should have seen her face when a 22 year-old dude opened the door…)
5) To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
6) The Bible (went to Catholic School for a good portion of my life…so yeah, I’ve heard of this one)
7) Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
8 ) Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell
9) His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
10) Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
11) Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (i read this a looong time ago and I remember precisely none of it, but it still counts)
12) Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
13) Catch 22 by Joseph Heller (I looooove this book)
14) Complete Works of Shakespeare (I’ve been meaning to read more Shakespeare…he invented the word Eyeball)
15) Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
16) The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
17) Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks – still one of my favorites, read it in my WWI lit class
18 ) Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger (I only read this recently. After years of people telling me I would love it. I like this book because every single person that reads it thinks they’re holden caulfield. Could you imagine it the world was like that. It would be…brooding)
19) The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
20) Middlemarch by George Eliot
21) Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
22) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
23) Bleak House by Charles Dickens
24) War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (not by choice…I also don’t think I got through the whole thing, but I was supposed to, so I am counting it)
25) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
26) Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
27) Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 ) Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
29) Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
30) The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
31) Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
32) David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
33) Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (cause it’s the chronic…WHAT? cles of Narnia)
34) Emma by Jane Austen
35) Persuasion by Jane Austen
36) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis
37) The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
38 ) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres
39) Memories of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
40) Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne (I may not have actually read this, I don’t know. I do know that I LOOOOOVED Winnie the Pooh as a young lad. That fuckin counts. I SAID LAD)
41) Animal Farm by George Orwell
42) The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
43) One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44) A Prayer for Owen Meaney by John Irving (Lagwagon AND Jimmy Eat World based songs on this book. Well I guess I need to read it)
45) The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
46) Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery
47) Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
48 ) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
49) Lord of the Flies by William Golding
50) Atonement by Ian McEwan
51) Life of Pi by Yann Martel (my dad and sister read this last year. They said it was good. It’s one of my beach books for next weekend! That’s right, beach…which for me means sunburn and lowered self esteem. I really need to go to a gym)
52) Dune by Frank Herbert
53) Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
54) Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
55) A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth
56) The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57) A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (yaaay highschool)
58 ) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
59) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon (based on title alone)
60) Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61) Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
62) Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
63) The Secret History by Donna Tartt
64) The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
65) Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
On The Road by Jack Kerouac
67) Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
68 ) Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding (I’ve seen the movie. Well the sequel…does that count)
69) Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
70) Moby Dick by Herman Melville (rather than comment I am going to make a pirate sound. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)
71) Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
72) Dracula by Bram Stoker
73) The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

74) Notes From A Small Island by Bill Bryson
75) Ulysses by James Joyce
76) The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
77) Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
78 ) Germinal by Emile Zola
79) Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray (wait, I thought this was a book list. I’m pretty sure Vanity Fair is a fashion magazine)
80) Possession by AS Byatt
81) A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
82) Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
83) The Color Purple by Alice Walker
84) The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
85) Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
86) A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
87) Charlotte’s Web by EB White
88 ) The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom (you have got to be shitting me…really…really? This book is on the fucking list. Gaaaah)
89) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90) The Faraway Tree Collection by Enid Blyton
91) Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
92) The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93) The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks
94) Watership Down by Richard Adams
95) A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (I LOOOOOOOOOVE THIS BOOK!! I will recommend this book to every single person I meet from now until I die. It’s that good. It’s so fucking good. Is it awful of me to be pissed at Toole for killing himself, therefore robbing all of us of a would-be legendary body of work?)
96) A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute
97) The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 ) Hamlet by William Shakespeare
99) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

100) Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

I totally didn’t bother counting how many I’ve read. I’m also sure that I left bolded books that I didn’t actually read, but that the last person to do this did. I mentioned the missing brain cells, so that’s probably why. I’m gonna go back to my splitting headache.

Happy Mon…oh wait…Thats Not Happy At All

Posted in drinking, impromptu trips, its always sunny in philadelphia, pabst blue ribbon, pbr, random on July 28, 2008 by pgleason85

Another week begins, which means before I know it is going to be the weekend, which means its going to be August, which means I’m going to have to ask where the hell the time is going, which will get everyone depressed, which will lead to drinking, which will lead to what will turn out to be a pretty fun party. Repeat as necessary.

So my impromptu trip to Philly was a great success. I didn’t really go to the city of Philadelphia per say, more I went to my friend’s place that just so happens to be in Philly. I didn’t see any sights, but I did eat a Philly Cheesesteak, which was nice. Philly is much cheaper than New York. Its really nice to get completely forget what the hell happened for half the night, wake up and check your wallet to find actual money. That doesn’t happen up here a lot.

We went to this place, which was a cool place to be. Anything that charges this for this is A-OK in my book. It also cool because instead of sitting at a table, we were sitting at a Piano. And they had crayons to color all over the place is. If your ever at that place and you see a drunkenly scrawled PAT on the piano, that was me. Also, amazing jukebox. I mean, i know the digital jukeboxes with literally everything ever are sorta commonplace now, but it was nice to see a non-digital one with a ton of good stuff on it. Plus, we did shots! Things get hazy and I may have woken up at 4am sitting on my friends couch, somewhat unclear as to where I was, but all in all, good trip.

And, as you may or may not know, I’m currently obsessed with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so here’s this:

Oh yeah, the beard poll! Results are in, 5-3 for not shaving, which is less work for me, woo hoo! Subway Gal wins bragging rights for eternity. Also, two people want me to grow a Jesus beard.

(oh yeah, The Bolt Bus = awesome)