Hey there. Well television begins within the next two weeks (or has already begun, depending on what shows you watch) Considering I watch more than a healthy amount of television I figured I would do a day by day fall TV preview, to lay out what all of you should watch (or, in the case of some people, what you will watch just to spite me).
Now the first question, what day should I start the week on? The Gregorian calender week starts on Sunday, but most contemporary western culture sees monday as the 1st day of the week. The real question is, do I want to start or end my TV watching week on HBO? Screw it, I’m starting with
I’m mostly focusing on the networks because I am using this chart at Zap2it as my guide, however, if i know a show is on cable that I watch I’ll include it…because you care so much. (got rid of the jump…it was annoying me and seemed oddly pretentious for some reason)
MONDAY
What to watch on Mondays: Well that is an easy one, because CBS is bucking the trend that “laughter is for thursday” and has an outsanding comedy lineup that I mostly enjoy. With The Big Bang Theory (a show that I actually kinda like) at 8 and How I Met Your Mother (which, if you read this enough, you know my feelings on…and if not those feelings are, “awesome”) at 8:30, the first hour is pretty solid. I’m actually absurdly excited for HIMYM. I’ve been catching up on the dvds and the third season online ad nauseum, so i’m really pumped for it to start. Its such a good show with a great core cast. Not much in the way of supporting characters, but they really don’t need it. Plus Bar>Coffee Shop! At 9 is charlie sheen bangs his way to a new venerial disease Two and A Half Men. Okay, I know its the number one comedy on TV, blah blah blah. That show is absolutely terrible. I mean, yeah I’ll watch it and it can be funny, but its really dumb humor. It stands out because there is so much well written smart comedy out right now that the cheap sex is just really boring. Following this is Worst Week. Hey remember that movie with Ben Stiller where he embaresses himself in front of his girlfriend’s parents? Remember how funny that show was when it wasn’t Ben Stiller at all…oh wait.
You know what you should switch over to after How I Met Your Mother? X-Men The Watchmen Heroes. You should watch heroes. To be honest, I don’t even remember what the fuck was going on on this show when it was stopped short by the WGA strike last year. Well its back now, and there are villains. I like villains, i think. I dunno, just watch it.
What I Will Never Admit To watching On Mondays: Don’t judge me please.
What I Should Watch But Don’t On Mondays: Not much, maybe Chuck. I’m a nerd that likes explosions and action and unnecessarily hot ancillary female characters. I hear Prison Break is exciting (albeit from the Fox promos…so grain of salt that one) but really, still gettin into and breakin out of prisons? Still? Why was that one for more than one season. Why?
What You Shouldn’t Touch With a Ten Foot Pole On Mondays: Dancing with The Stars. Are you joking me. Can Warren Sapp dance? Who give a shit. Every year the definition of Star gets looser and looser. Yeah, Jeffrey Ross is a really funny comedian and I love comedy, but…star? Bit of a stretch.
Well that’s it for Monday. Now its time for:
TUESDAY
What To Watch On Tuesdays: House! Best bad show on television. Its stupid and formulaic. The supporting characters are all either flat, or have extremely pointless story lines attached to them (13 has Huntington’s Disease now…really?) but god damn is Hugh Laurie not fucking awesome on that show. I could watch a show where he just insults people in character for an hour and it’d rule. Fuck the medical crap. Medical crap makes me really squeamish (seriously). Why do they always have to show that crap. Following house is Fringe, and based on the pilot, I’m in. I totally missed the Lost boat, and now i’m too far behind to consider catching up without giving up working/eating/and showering for a month, so hopefully this one takes off and I can be involved in all those conversations!
What I Will Never Admit To Watching on Tuesdays: Nothing, no guilty pleasures on Tuesday.
What I Should Watch But Don’t on Tuesdays: Nothing, Tuesday fucking sucks. Okay, maybe there’s something on cable somewhere that is good or something, but I don’t have a clue where it is, and I just straight up don’t care to find it.
What You Shouldn’t Touch With a Ten Foot Pole On Tuesdays: Literally everything else. My god Tuesday is terrible. Biggest loser, Opportunity Knocks, Dancing With the People you Might Have Heard of Once or Twice Stars results show, the new 90210 (seriously, that premiere was awful) one of the 6,000 versions of Law and Order. Who cares?
Tuesdays are definite candidates for going out and socializing instead of watching television, but what about
WEDNESDAY
What to Watch On Wednesdays: . . .is it Thursday yet? I dunno, I’ll occasionally watch Deal or No Deal, that’s at least sorta cool with the lights and stuff like that. Howie’s all bald. I guess that’s okay. There’s no South Park till the spring. Man, i just don’t know. I guess i watch MythBusters on wednesdays usually. Thats a cool show to watch when ur bored, but I dunno. Maybe I’ll read a book?
What I Will Never Admit To Watching On Wednesdays: I dunno, Bones? fine Bones, if I watched that show I wouldn’t tell you.
What I Should Watch But Don’t On Wednesdays: My mom says that The New Adventures of Old Christine is good? Is anything on cable? Anything at all.
What You Shouldn’t Touch With A Ten Foot Pole: The entire day. Holy crap. I don’t even wanna look. I need something to read. Maybe I’ll get back into Halo on Wednesdays.
Well screw Wednesday, i guess its good to rest the DVR wednesday ’cause holy hell, after that its
THURSDAY!!!!!!!
What You Should Watch On Thursdays: First, go buy a DVR, cause you are going to fucking need it.All these shows need repeat viewings. (just you wait, hulu will blow the hell up in the next month and a half because of Thursday) First, turn on NBC at eight and watch till 10. My Name is Earl followed by Kath & Kim (which may very well suck donkey choad but i’ll watch anyway cause of what its between), followed by THE OFFICE, FOLLOOOWEDDD BY 30 ROCK!!!!!!!!! (although the last one doesn’t start till October) Oh man I LOVE THAT ONE TWO PUNCH IN THE 9pm HOUR. Those two shows are fucking hilarious and I can’t freaking wait. 30 Rock has more stars lined up as guests than alleged Star themed shows, the Office has THE BEST supporting cast in comedy today. Oh man, thursday is glorious. Hey, guess what happens next? Thats right! ITS ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA at 10 on F/X! LAUGHTER FUCKING OVERLOAD. Plus, they’re starting with the whole 2 episodes a week thing. A WHOLE HOUR. AWESOME. Sunny actually starts this week (the 18th), as opposed to most of the other shows that start the week of the 22nd, so get ready for it! Here’s an interview with the producers/writers/stars/heroes from that show at the AV Club. If I get one more person into that show my mission is complete.
What I Will Never Admit To Watching On Thursdays: At one point I watched Grey’s Anatomy, but then Grey died and came back and was still a surgeon, so yeah, nothing that I won’t own up to anymore.
What I Should Watch But Don’t On Thursdays: I liked comic books. Maybe Smallville? Nah, I was always a marvel guy anyway. Wait, why am I thinking about this, I already watch 4 hours of TV on Thursday, I can’t take on any more.
What You Shouldn’t Touch With A Ten Foot Pole on Thursdays: Things that aren’t funny. Thursday is for funny. Fine, you have a different sense of humor than me? Watch Ugly Betty. You find British People insulting Long Island Chef’s hilarious, Kitchen Nightmares works. But why, WHY, would you watch horrible accidents on a weekly basis. Fucking ER. I HATE ER. As mentioned, squeamish. Plus, I’ve been to the ER, its nothing like that show. Its way more sad and tragic (and ugly). I can’t believe that show lasted past the Clooney era. Isn’t Uncle Jesse on it or something strange like that now?
After you short out your DVR on Thursday its time for
FRIDAY
What You Shoul…wait a second…ITS FRIDAY! TIME TO GO OUT!
after your done nursing your hangover.
SATURDAY
What You Should Watch on Saturdays: College football all day while you lie on the couch. If you want to see uncle ned arrested for meth, stay in and watch cops…if not its SATURDAY!
finally its time for
SUNDAY
What You Should Be Watching On Sunday: You should, first off, watch the New York Football Giants, but that was a given. We’ll keep this to sunday night. Sunday night has a good amount of pickins, so it all depends on mood. Entourage is always fun to watch (cause there’s always major boobage). The other HBO comedies could be good, namely Little Britain USA and The Life and Times of Tim. I’ve been enjoying True Blood, even tho its sort of REALLY FUCING WEIRD. There’s also Fox’s ANIMATION DOMINATION (BOOM POW ZAP PLEASE LOOK OVER HERE!). The Simpsons ain’t what they used to be, same can be said for Family Guy, and (if you ever did like it…I did) King of the Hill. But they’re all still solid. Plus, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg wrote an episode of the Simpsons this year (and there was much rejoicing. Yayy)
What I Won’t Admit To Watching On Sundays: I dunno, the dreadful NBC studio pregame show?
What I Should Watch But Don’t On Sundays: This was the entire reason for this fucking stupid category. MAD MEN. Yeah, that show is supposed to be incredible. There’s Don Draper, and Rye Whiskey, and sexual harrasment and doinking of secretaries and awesomeness and man I really need to watch that fucking show, right?
What You Shouldn’t Touch With A Ten Foot Pole on Sundays: ABC. America’s Funniest Videos, Extreme Home Makehover Home Edition EXTREME, Desperate Houswives and Brothers and Sisters. I dislike all of you, and will kindly ask you to please leave the room. Thank you.
IN CONLCUSION
So yeah, that was a bit excsessive, wasn’t it? I mean, I didn’t really do anything but say “I like this, but I don’t like this! MY OPINION MATTERS” But really, it doesn’t. Everyone has their own taste, (mine is vastly superior). I expect to watch a lot of television on mondays and thursdays, but probably not so much on tuesdays and wednesdays (maybe i’ll read a book! Ah, who am i kidding, i’ll actually still just watch TV all night, but it will mostly be seinfeld/family guy/whatever else re-runs in syndication). If you disagree, agree, think that i am all that is wrong with america today, or just think I missed out on the gem of the fall season, feel free to let me know!
Bored Thoughts 